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| Michael and my engagement picture We were just 20 years old |
Instead of boring you with this long drawn out love story which depicts how I love my husband more than the day I married him (I don't actually love him more, I love him in a deeper way), I'd love to share the raw and difficult truth of this journey of 25 years. A summary of just how difficult it has been to have made it this far, and I still love spending my days with him.
On Saturday, June 30, 1990, Michael and I were married in the small town of Sidney, Nebraska. Five days after our wedding, Michael and I, along with my 2 year old daughter Amanda, moved to Kansas City, Mo.
Michael began school at Devry Institute four days later. We have remained in Kansas City ever since and have raised three amazing daughter's.
Here is our 25 year timeline...
YEAR 1- No Family, no friends, no jobs, just the three of us excited for a new adventure. Once we have jobs, we have 1 car to get us to
jobs, college, and daycare. lots of dropping me off at work hours before my job began. This was our newlywed life.
We're 20 years old, young and dumb, but oh how smart we thought we were!
We couldn't afford a phone. Five months after we were married, I was pregnant, working two jobs and Michael began a job at engineering firm as a file boy.
Nine months after marriage, Michael adopted Amanda
YEAR 2- Alexandra was born. We're 21 & 22 now.
YEAR 3-pregnant with our 3rd child...
Take leave of absence from school after a premature delivery of our daughter Alicia. Age 22 & 23, we're extremely poor, yet thankful for a healthy baby. We nearly move back to Nebraska as we suffer financial struggles. We have many great friends. Lots of friendly help we're so grateful for.
YEAR 4-
I finish up beauty school. We're barely making it at this time. bankruptcy. Did I mention we were young and dumb?! 24 & 25 years old dumb!
Michael begins taking classes at Junior college reimbursed by job. Lots of great friends, makes tough times bearable. Active in church.
YEAR 5-
Work at salon at night; stay home with girls during day while I continue doing daycare. Move into a house with a rent to own deal. House has no AC, it's a true fixer upper. Happy to have a home at age 25&26 (I'm slightly older :)
YEAR 6-
Age 26, All is going well. Michael is working hard. I am working hard. still one car. summers are hot. Michael gets his Associates degree. very poor but not ashamed. Serve in Children's ministry and music ministry at church.
YEAR 7-
We're now 27 & 28...We qualified for government grant to bring house to safety code (a great blessing from being so poor). Michael begins a new job at a new engineering firm. I'm still doing daycare by day and hair in evenings. No 7 year itch for us!! FINALLY, we have a second car!!
YEAR 8- I love doing hair, Michael loves his new job.
We press on, just the the two of us, along with our three girls.
I quit working in a salon and go to school to study psychology. All is good until....
my dad dies.
We're 29 yrs. old
YEAR 9-I'm beyond broken..My eyes cannot focus, my heart cannot see past my deep seeded grief...so much pain. Withdraw from college classes begin working
full time for the first time....that lasts 8 months before going back to part time. Michael is working hard, marriage is strained, girls feeling the depth of it. I have one friend, Michael has none. It's a lonely road. We put on the fake happy face all the same. We've stopped going to church. We're now 30 years old.
YEAR 10-Begin working independent hairdresser, part-time. Love my job, Love
the salon and colleagues. Begin Marriage counseling and it doesn't last but the summer. Michael starts college for Bachelor degree. Girls are coping, parents are a mess. Walking this road alone. We're 30&31.
YEAR 11- Amanda is in 8th grade, and has just returned from Labor day trip to DC with family......9-11 happens. America is in turmoil! The country is United
for the first time ever. Focus of life has been momentarily redirected. We get our first two puppies....a wonderful distraction for our family. Our marriage is hanging in there, but by a thread. Our girls love the puppies.
YEAR 12- We make our first camping to the mountains as a family over our 12th anniversary...camping fun, anniversary a disaster. Marriage is suffering. We
keep smiling....keep moving forward, one day at a time. Amanda begins high school. Alex and Alicia are little buddies....Middle of year 12 (age 32&33), I file for divorce. Papers are served. Michael finds apartment, girls are told of separation. Lot's of anger, hurt, despair, defeat...................................and then, a MIRACLE......
the night before Michael is to move out, all his belongings packed and ready to go, deposit down on apartment where he will live, We make one powerful yet united decision. We agree to give our marriage ONE more try and agree to both do everything we can to make our marriage work, to go to counseling, separately, together, go back to church...truly give it our all so we could look at our three girls and be able to tell them that we truly had given our marriage everything we had to give. Immediate Healing!
Who knew?!?! One simple yet difficult decision of setting down our pride, yet we were truly united for the first time ever in our marriage, and God, who had never left us, healed the hurt, the hate, the bitterness. And we decided to start over.......so, We sold our home on the first day, to the first person for the very price we were asking for our home. A renewed Hope!
YEAR 13- age 33/34- Let there be peace on earth!!! A new home, a new beginning. Amanda is in her Sophomore year, and Alex and Alicia begin at a
new elementary school to finish out 5th and 6th grade yrs. We're in counseling and marriage is better than ever! Michael works hard to finish his Bachelor degree just before our 14th anniversary...it's been tough as he's worked full time and has gone to school full time at the same time. No reimbursement from his job, the student loans are on us as we no longer qualify for any additional help outside of our jobs. A sense of pride for us all the same. We're happy, and in love once again. Time for another puppy. :)
YEAR 14- Marriage is great, Amanda is now a Junior, Alex in middle school, Alicia
YEAR 15- Amanda's Senior year, Youngest two in middle school and both are
YEAR 16- Alex begins High School, Alicia is in 8th grade. Amanda is struggling with the next steps of her life...she goes to DC for the summer, moves out of our house in January.
YEAR 17- Life is busier than ever.
YEAR 18- I move to a new salon, Michael gets a new boss...both careers begin to take a turn. His for the better, mine begins to slow. Even part time job is tough to balance girls in high school and work.
YEAR 19- Alexandra is in Senior year of HS, Alicia is a Junior, and Amanda gets
Alex graduates...Amanda and I have struggled through her engagement.
YEAR 20- Whew, We've made it 20 Years!! Michael's 40, I'm 41 and we're exhausted already.
Amanda miscarries, I have major surgery.
We love our son-in-law. It's been a rough year.
YEAR 21-
YEAR 22- Still busy at HOH and still working at salon. Michael's job is going great as he advances within his department.
Alicia goes off to college. Empty nest is fun.
Hurtful discovery that rocks our family....we grow closer in ways, or so it seems.
Director position changes at girls home, I lose my job. I'm heartbroken...now what?
Michael is promoted to manager of Design Application team.
YEAR 23- Marriage is going okay..We're 44 years old. We welcome a former HOH teen into our home to live. Alicia has pulled away from family and it hits me like a ton of bricks. Trying to get footing with a hurting teen living with us, and an angry young adult child who is barely talking to me......and then,
Annie dies!
Everything falls apart in an instant of grief. No more teen living with us. No more contact with my youngest daughter and no more Annie.
And then, it's time to get back up........so,
Whoever said money cannot buy you happiness, forgot about the power of a little puppy. Annie is still missed to this day. No other dog can take her place, but Eva is great!!
Amanda is pregnant again and the world is coming together yet again. We're all happy and betting on a boy.
Michael is promoted to Associate at his job.
The day after Christmas, crushing heartbreak as our oldest calls sobbing of things not changed in her marriage. Her husband moves out and five weeks later, she loses her baby. WHY must this happen to my sweet loving daughter?!?! She is crushed, I am crushed, I want to crush SIL. So many emotions...sorrow, exhaustion, anger.
We support daughter through pending divorce as many questions can come her way. In the meantime, I have retired from doing hair, and have left the salon.
YEAR 24- Our 24th year began looking great. We've bought weekend lake property 45 mins south of KC.
Looking back, it's unlikely we could have braced ourselves for this last year.
July-Michael and I go on vacation and it is a fun success.
Upon returning from vacation I see on fb, my youngest has moved in with her boyfriend whom we've barely met. I'm not happy, but it's her life.
September- brings sudden sorrow of our 13 year old family Beagle, Autumn.
Amanda's divorce is final and life goes on....at least until the following week.
Youngest daughter calls, she's pregnant...I am not angry or surprised, I actually expected this call. After all, it's exactly what I did when I was young.
November- is pure chaos and heartbreaking from more unfortunate circumstances that nearly tear our family apart. We reach out for help, spiritual help.
January- We rejoice that we're having a grandson!!! Two day's later we're rushing to Manhattan, Ks. as our daughter is hemorrhaging. Gripped with fear, daughter is fine, miraculously grandson is fine as well. Alicia is on strict bed rest here in KC. We begin to talk, to laugh, to dream as mother and daughter again.
February- grandson is born prematurely at 25 weeks, 3 days. He's 2 lbs, 2 oz. but doing well, yet not out of the woods.
March- Alicia is a great mommy and is at the hospital twice a day. Baby Teagan seems to be doing fine, just needs to grow.
I open up weekend property camper...and then the fateful call comes, Teagan is terribly sick. Five days later he is gone. Never to hear his cry fill a room, never to rejoice in his turning a month old, or see him smile, or see his first teeth grow in. Unable to watch the beauty of motherhood truly unfold once my daughter takes her baby home nor experience her first baby shower. It's St. Patrick's Day....and as the world celebrate's, we are watching Teagan take his last breath.
Since this blog is of our journey, our marriage, the raw truth of it's struggles in summary, I cannot place the heaviness from each detail I've refrained from sharing. But I can say, we've overcome great sorrow and disappointments we had when the decision was made that our precious grandson was to be buried an hour and a half away.
While my daughter knows of the tears I cried and how I begged her, on my knees, sobbing with words one could barely understand, to please not return to a concerning environment. The pull of all that had been left behind for nearly four months was inevitable that she would return, and she would be burying her son in a tiny little town populated with a number of people able to fit onto one airplane.
April- I grapple for strength to get back up, I cannot stop crying. Michael, unsure of how to console me, or handle all that has taken place in such a short time. There is no strength left in me and I escape at every chance, to our little getaway home, so I don't have to think, or see photo's.
Our home is burglarized, and I don't even care. Well, I do...but I'm still trying to stand up from greater pain, greater grief.
I'm offered a job back at House of Hope ministries. Great changes have occurred, and I accept offer to rejoin an amazing team. Have spent much time crying to God, I am tired but I hold on to God and His glory! It's not easy.
May- The month starts out with the discovery that our 11 year old boy Boston Terrier, Cody, has severe lung cancer.
I try putting Eva in bed to snuggle, she's not Cody. We miss Cody, and everything about Cody. It's hard saying goodbye to such great and loyal companions.
June- Our anniversary month! Please, can this entire month go smooth?
With this past year alone, it is amazing to be able to stand. But with the help of God and His Holy Spirit, I press on and I lean on the very man God placed in my life.
Michael truly is the rock in our home. He doesn't have to say much, he's just there to listen, to hold my hand, to hug me at night. He works hard to give his very best to all of us, and this helps me to want to press on and get back up every time I'm knocked down.
While this last year has had many little summary's, it's been a year packed with pain, sorrow, hurt, and deep DEEP grief. I've felt this grief before...only it was different. Back in year 8 and 9 were two grief filled years that threw me into a tailspin. The enemy attacks the weak, the wounded....because he wants to destroy our faith. My GOD is much bigger and stronger!!! My God has gotten my husband and I through each and every year. He will get us through all we've been through during this past year as well. I Believe it!
In two days, we'll be celebrating our 25th Wedding Anniversary. We're quite young still, but we are no longer dumb as we were back in the very beginning.
Regardless of what we've faced, we are a strong family, closely tied in our hearts, united in our faith. It is not by anything we have done or could do, but only by God's amazing Grace, who has sustained us through every valley, every desert, and has tenderly led us back to him if we've ever wandered in a different direction.
It's not easy making it to this milestone, but I thank God for Every victory, and Every heartbreak, and for Every single time He has picked us back up!
While this last year has had many little summary's, it's been a year packed with pain, sorrow, hurt, and deep DEEP grief. I've felt this grief before...only it was different. Back in year 8 and 9 were two grief filled years that threw me into a tailspin. The enemy attacks the weak, the wounded....because he wants to destroy our faith. My GOD is much bigger and stronger!!! My God has gotten my husband and I through each and every year. He will get us through all we've been through during this past year as well. I Believe it!
25 years!!
Regardless of what we've faced, we are a strong family, closely tied in our hearts, united in our faith. It is not by anything we have done or could do, but only by God's amazing Grace, who has sustained us through every valley, every desert, and has tenderly led us back to him if we've ever wandered in a different direction.
It's not easy making it to this milestone, but I thank God for Every victory, and Every heartbreak, and for Every single time He has picked us back up!
